


Old Wounds, Old Scars, Old Scoundrel

by 1f_this_be_madness



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Affection, Affectionate Insults, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And The Force Awakens hurts, And have been since I was five years old, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Leia Organa, Banter, Because the sequels upset me, C-3PO is worried, Depressed Luke, Don't even get me STARTED on The Last Jedi, Epic Friendship, Epic Love, Everyone needs each other, Everyone needs friends okay, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, F/M, Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Gen, Han Solo is a sass-master, Han Solo means a lot to me, Han Solo wants to be a good dad but doesn't know how, Han and Leia love each other more than life, Hugs, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I adore Poe, I can see that being a thing, I feel like Rey is the first female Finn really talked to, I love Chewie so much, I really do, I'm Going to Hell, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Leia is best mom, Loyalty, Loyalty is everything, Luke blames himself for shit that isn't in his control, M/M, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn, No such thing as post-R2, POV Alternating, POV Han Solo, POV Kylo Ren, POV Leia Organa, Pain, Parents Han and Leia, Poe loves Finn, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, R2 was always awake, R2-D2 is awesome, Rey is a badass, So he's kinda infatuated with her, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers, There's some heavy shit going down here, They are my ultimate OTP, What Have I Done, What-If, Who wouldn't be honestly?, as always, i hate him, lando is bi, what should have happened
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-08 03:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17379122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_this_be_madness/pseuds/1f_this_be_madness
Summary: Deep down, Han Solo is a softy.  He cried when his son was born. Don't tell anyone.But that softness is what gets him killed, and that is a problem.(Or, an alternative version of that fateful moment on the Starkiller Base catwalk across the chasm and its aftermath.)





	1. Chapter 1

When he found out that he was having a child, Han Solo sobbed. 

Oh, sure, there was fear involved in the crying; the fear of _damn fool, what have you gotten yourself into here? A KID?! Never even knew your own parents, how are you supposed to be a good one?_

But he cried from happiness, too. Sheer giddy joy when he told Chewie and the Wookiee grabbed him in a hug; when he talked to Lando and said "... everything's going to change, old buddy" and Lando, with a child of his own already, said "oh you have absolutely no idea - wait and see, you old pirate!". Luke knew before he could tell him - some Force thing. But that didn't stop Han from saying "And you know where we got the name? From that crazy old man who brought us all together." Ben, after Ben Kenobi: general, Jedi, Jundland Wastes wizard. 

Han got misty-eyed watching Ben grow up and grow more and more powerful with the Force - making things move without touching them wasn't just some weird phase of development after all - until Luke took him away. Han trusted him to take Ben away and teach him how to be a Jedi.

...And then he turned to the Dark Side.

To this day Han does not know exactly what happened; one day Ben was gone training, and the next Luke was back, blubbering how it was all his fault, he should have been able to stop it...but Ben had turned, gone rogue, and killed all the rest of Luke's students...had left his uncle for dead as well and joined the First Order. He became the apprentice of its mysterious leader and rechristened himself Kylo Ren.

"Ben Solo means nothing, IS nothing," he said. Han never expected that blow; never imagined it would send Luke into exile or tear him and his beloved Leia apart - yet it had. 

He could never have conceived of this hell when he first became a dad.


	2. Chapter 2

And then there was that kid. Rey. Who flew and loved the Falcon like that ship was her own; who got him back to his wife and had a strange - damn strange - connection to his son. And to Luke, too. She was a previously unknown but obviously missing piece of his life, and he needed to save her. Maybe he could save himself, and Leia, and their son too. 

So Han now stands on the platform in the Starkiller base with his son screaming at him from across a chasm as deep as the one in his heart. Han moves forward - closer, but not too close; he keeps his hand beside his holster, though he knows that he will not shoot first. 

He will never shoot first again.

"Ben," he begs his son. "Ben, come with me. Come home."

"I - I know what I have to do," Ben tells him. "I'm sorry." And then Han has no more air in his lungs; he is gasping, choking, flailing his legs beneath him as he rises into the air. Rey screams as Han's vision darkens, and then he falls and falls -


	3. Chapter 3

Kylo Ren screamed in pain as the walking carpet his father had always loved more than him roared and got a shot off, striking him in the left side. He choked the life out of his father and watched him fall. The damn fool hadn't come too close, but still came close enough to be Force-choked, lifted by the neck, and flung into oblivion. 

And now he is in agony as his father is falling and that - that _girl_ calls out to Han, like he could hear her; the man who never cared, who was never there...and yet she and that - that traitor dare to stay and fight for him?!?

...At least his father's useless mangy _pet_ has gone, back to that accursed ship, that piece of junk, leaving Kylo bleeding behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chewbacca knows his best friend is not dead. He cannot be. That is not how Han Solo is meant to go; Chewie will not allow it.

He flies the ship - and she is a truly glorious ship who has been a part of every adventure they went on together. Who cares if she looks like a piece of junk to the untrained eye? - she has most definitely got it where it counts. 

And where it counts now is in spotting the oh-so-very-faint life signs from the edge of the trash bay close to the central port of Starkiller base.

Chewie flies in low, keeping R2 in the cockpit as pilot while he opens the upper hatch and hauls himself up and out to catch hold of Han's crumpled, motionless body. "Awr gwuh gwuh unh," he moans softly, tenderly carrying his friend to and laying him down on the Falcon's moveable stretcher. He desperately tries to connect Han to the life-giving bacta tubes, growing ever more frustrated as his paws are too big to do so. 

R2-D2 whistles for the two of them to trade places, and so it is the plucky little astromech droid who connects myriad tubes and wires from the body of Han to the portable bacta tank inside the Millennium Falcon. He is the first to note and monitor the faint, thready but strengthening life signs that the old man's body starts to exhibit. The Force-chokehold had not completely snuffed them out. 

It is R2 who sends a distress signal to the Resistance on Han's - and Finn's - behalves when Rey hauls Finn, bloody and unresponsive, onto the ship. She is baffled, dazed, and downright thunderstruck at the sight of Han, but at R2's whistling insistence, she stumbles to the cockpit to help Chewie rather than staying to assist with the two men.

Finn is almost easier to stabilize than Han was for the droid. He puts them both on life support and alternates the flow of bacta to conserve it as the Falcon flies to rejoin the Resistance again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, Han is dead, but also...not dead. 
> 
> He stopped breathing after Kylo Ren Force-choked him, but his heart was still beating and so Chewie was able to get him back to the ship in time to save his life. One must hope he is not brain-dead...


	5. Chapter 5

Everyone is rushing around the Falcon as soon as they land - Poe and Rey are able to carry Finn to the infirmary with help from a doctor droid and a med-cart. 

Han, however, is another case entirely. Chewbacca howls and snarls so fiercely at everyone and everything that so much as takes a step toward his comatose friend that no one has the courage to go near, even to help.

At least until the General arrives on the scene.

Leia had told Han, "Bring our son back to us, even if you die trying." She had not meant that, not really; had not realized he might have taken those words to heart. When she is given word that he is unresponsive and cannot be tended to because his body is guarded by Chewbacca, she finds it darkly humorous. Her husband's greatest joke.

...But then she sees that it is real, and she cannot bear it.

She freezes in place, hands rising to press against her lips, eyes full of tears. She feels a sharp pain in her chest, like her heart is physically breaking. It is happening again - she is losing a man she loves - and Leia swallows and reaches out with one hand as she stands before the Wookiee. "Chewie...," She says thickly. "...Thank you for taking care of him, and bringing him home. What happened?" Chewbacca grunts and groans and growls, and Leia's eyes widen. Han had taught her a little Cheriwook once, but she is rusty. Did he say - ?

And then she hears a voice "Oh dear oh dear, please let me through. Your Highness!" A golden bipedal figure comes between several onlookers. C-3PO. "I came when I heard -" the droid stops at the sight of Chewbacca holding Han's prone form and goes completely still. "Captain Solo? ...Oh, no,"

"Threepio," Leia snaps, glad to have someone to give directions to, "what happened? Chewie, tell him." 

The droid rocks on his heels and listens as Chewbacca barks. "Oh, Princess," the golden droid says "...your son...used the Force to - choke the life from his father. Chewbacca was able to find him after a fall, and Rey fought your son in a lightsaber battle before they got away." Leia blinks and makes a small sound in her throat. 

"He needs medical attention. I'm going to have to speak to Rey soon also. Chewie," her voice is almost a whisper now, "you've done so much to take care of him, but we need to help Han now. Will you let us? Please."

C-3PO turns from Leia to Chewbacca as the Wookiee cocks his head and lets out a whimper before nodding and carefully carrying Han to the medical cart that is standing by. Leia touches her husband's chilly face with her fingers before he is whisked away, leaving her standing in the ship bay with a hole in her heart. 

Chewie howls with his head thrown to the sky, a keening sound that mirrors her own agony, and appearances be damned, Leia begins to cry silently. The seven-foot Wookiee looks down and then pulls her against him in a tight desperate hug.


	6. Chapter 6

Finn has been placed in a medical containing unit, in a jumpsuit that pumps medicine through him and in cryo-sleep to heal his extensive wounds. Poe will not leave his side. Rey alternates between sitting with him and Han, although Han's medical attention has been much more extensive so she often stands outside of his room rather than within it. Does not want to get in the way of the medical droids.

She is standing next to Poe as he holds tightly onto Finn's nearest hand when the General comes to the door. Poe looks up and starts to rise, but Leia raises one hand with a small tired smile. "At ease, Dameron," she tells him. "I just need to speak with Rey for a moment." 

Poe nods at her. "Understood, General." But his dark eyes follow Rey with concern for her. She nods to him and squeezes his arm reassuringly before looking back at Finn and stepping out of the room.

"How is he?" The General asks as they walk together a few steps down the hallway. "Finn?"

"...the medics tell me he's stable, but we won't know anything for sure until he wakes up from cryo-sleep. He suffered a lot of damage because of -" Rey cuts herself off so as not to speak ill of Leia's son, but the older woman smiles in a way that tugs at Rey's heart. There is so much weight in that expression - sorrow, and regret, guilt and understanding. 

"Because of my son," Leia finishes for her. "How did you leave him, Rey?" The young woman does not say anything. She cannot. Leia turns to face her and takes her hands. Rey flinches with surprise - the last time she had been touched so tenderly was when she and Finn shared that hug in the tunnel, just before Han.... Rey swallows hard and focuses on what the other woman is saying. "... I know my son," Leia tells her. "I know what he has done and what he's capable of. So please, just tell me what happened. When you were gone, I felt -" she had felt the world stop, felt a scream of pain, her son's and her husband's - looking at Rey, she knows that she can tell her. "I felt their pain through the Force. Han's,"

"...And Kylo's," Rey breathes in understanding and awe. "You're Force-sensitive."

Leia shrugs. "Haven't done anything with it, not like Luke. I just feel things sometimes. I like to think it makes me a better leader."

Rey nods. She can respect that. "He was hurt," she tells Leia. "Hurt pretty bad, bleeding while we fought. The planet started crumbling near the end, and I uhm" Rey recalls the surge of power she had felt when fighting, how it invigorated as well as terrified her. "... I kind of - helped it along. Made a big crevice so he couldn't get back over to me, or Finn." She starts to choke up. "Finn is - he got this way because of me - he was trying to save my life -"

"Rey, don't." Leia's voice is firm. "Don't do that. I know how easy it is to blame yourself, but you can't. People make choices, good and bad ones, and it's...it can be hard not to say that we should have stopped them or warned them, because we know better." Her eyes are locked on the younger woman's as she continues to hold Rey's hands. "But we don't," Leia says, letting out a broken chuckle. "And some people won't listen even if we did. But that is their choice." Letting go of one hand, the head of the Resistance cups Rey's face in a motherly manner. "So we have to live with it."

Rey nods, looking down, and Leia gazes at her with compassion before pulling her in for an embrace. The young woman shakes as she presses her face against the other's shoulder. "I'm so sorry about Han," she gasps out, clutching the back of Leia's jacket. "And Kylo, I - I wish I could have saved them -"

"Shh," Leia soothes, rubbing Rey's back. "There now. Remember, choices. And my nerf-herder of a husband is a tough nut. Don't count him out, all right?" Holding Rey's arms, she steps back to look into her face. Rey sniffs and nods, relinquishing her handhold, sucking back tears and wiping her eyes.

"All right," she says quietly, her tone trembling. But she is not crying anymore.

Leia nods at her. "That's my girl. Make sure you get some rest, all right? Once these boys are stable, you still need to follow the map and reach Luke. And I know... Han and Chewie will want to help you. However they can."


	7. Chapter 7

Han does not like being dead. It feels like... nothing, which is the polar opposite of everything he stands for and everything he does. 

Plus, he is not even all the way dead - he can hear voices and noises, beeps and whirrs, but he cannot move, or speak, or open his eyes. It's like Carbonite all over again. If he wakes up blind this time, there is going to be hell to pay for somebody.

And then he hears her voice. His wonderful wife, coming into the place... wherever he is. She's barking orders at first; and then her voice grows soft and shaky with worry. It makes his heart ache. He wishes he could wake and tell her not to count him out, call her sweetheart - hell, he wishes he could just see her _face_. But apparently his body is not strong enough to do that yet. He must be patient. Heh. Yeah, right - patience has never been his strong suit. Much like having faith in something other than luck. 

He had come to believe in the Force only after prolonged continual exposure by both his brother-in-law and his son. What the two of them did every day, or almost every one. But he still doesn't understand the Dark Side. How feelings could be so wrong, so bad he cannot comprehend. Everything he had done because of a feeling had been an improvement. Well, apart from trusting Lando to keep him and Leia safe in Cloud City. That had been a bust. Yet his friend had redeemed himself many times over, so it isn't a big deal. Neither is the fact that he had trusted Luke to properly train Ben in the ways of the Jedi Knights. It wasn't Luke's fault that his nephew had become Kylo Ren.

Han has to wake up so he can find Luke and get him to believe that. So he can get his brother home. Leia needs him; they both need him. The whole _galaxy_ needs its last Jedi back again. And who knows? Maybe he can give Rey some training.


	8. Chapter 8

Rey is not handling things well. 

She knows she should listen to General Leia, that what happened to Han and to Finn was not her fault, but she still feels as though it _is_. It has to be, because they and Chewbacca had come to rescue her! That was the only reason they were in the Starkiller base. (Well that, and to blow it up. Which of course was much more important than getting her out. She was just one person.) She could have gotten out on her own. Maybe. Probably before the place had blown. But they had come for her, and it was the best feeling to know that she was no longer alone.

...Yet now, because of that, she may very well be alone again.

She is sitting with Poe and watching over Finn when his monitors begin beeping and lights start going off. Medics and droids swarm around his cryo-tank and she cannot see what is happening, what they are doing to her friend, but she is so scared that she is going to lose him like she has lost everyone else she loves that she cannot handle it. 

Poe is standing solid, his face pale and lips white as he presses them together and watches over Finn, but Rey runs blindly out of the room and into the hall. She is sobbing now, making desperate, nearly silent gasping sounds, trailing one hand along the wall until she locates a dark place. A small supply closet. With a gulp she abruptly sits down within the recessed space, drawing her knees up to her chest and pressing her forehead against them. Deep breaths, come on. She has to breathe. Shoulders shuddering, she tries to calm herself, to become composed. How does the General do it?

She doesn't know how long she sits there curled into a ball, but she eventually hears footsteps coming towards her and stopping as the closet door creaks open. "Go away," she croaks out to whoever it is. "Please... I don't want to be seen like this. If Finn is dead, just -"

"Rey," Poe's warm tone washes over her. "Finn's not dead. He's okay." He leans against the wall and slides down it to sit beside her.

Rey sniffs and turns her head to look at him, one cheek pillowed on her knees now. "...Really?"

"Yeah." The dark-haired man lets out a laugh of relief. "Those medics know their stuff. His bacta levels needed to be changed and started dropping a bit too fast, that's all." Reaching out and touching her shoulder, Poe leans toward her, brown gaze steady and serious. "They fixed him up good. He's resting." He leans back a little, eyes roving over her completely now. His tone of voice is now concerned. "...The question is, are YOU okay? You tore right out of there like a wampa was after you."

Rey lifts her head and lowers her knees, wiping her eyes and nodding quickly. "Yeah, yes. I'm okay. I'm totally fine." Her voice cracks and goes higher. "I'm just so glad Finn is all right."

Looking seriously at her, eyes darker with dawning understanding, Poe says with his tone now heavy and husky: "...You really care about him, don't you?"

"I - yes, Poe, I do." 

Right. Of course. "I understand," the pilot speaks with attempted bravado. "What's not to love? And I'm sure he feels the same way for you, so I'm gonna -" he moves as if to rise, and Rey's eyes narrow in confusion and then widen with understanding of her own.

"Oh! No, it's not like that. I mean, not for me. I don't know about Finn, how he feels, but... I - I lost my parents, Poe." The pilot has sat down again beside her. "...when I was young, they left me. On Jakku. I never thought anyone would care about me again, but then I met Finn. And Han. And they came and rescued me. They came _back_. And that means...to me that means everything in the world." She bites her lip. "But I'm not in love with him. It's not like that."

"With Finn, or Han?" Poe teases now, a sparkle returning to his eye. "I don't know, Han's kind of a silver fox...," Rey gasps in outrage and shoves him.

"No - no way! Can you _imagine -_?" Poe starts laughing.

"I can certainly imagine the General's face. And she's the best shot in the galaxy." 

Rey shudders and shakes her head. "Yeah, no. That's not something - no. I'd hate to incur her wrath. So, with neither."

Poe nods. "Okay then." He stands and reaches down a hand to help Rey up. "You ready to go back in and watch over your friend?"

Rey takes his hand and stands with a tiny sigh. "Ready as I'll ever be. And Poe? Thank you."

He is still holding her hand. What is it with her getting this kind of affection today? Dameron smiles crookedly as he squeezes and releases her. "You're welcome. And your feelings for Han Solo are safe with me," he teases instantly. She opens her mouth to protest and he gives her a quick hug. "I'm messing with you, Rey. Now c'mon." 

The two head back together to Finn's room.


	9. Chapter 9

After the destruction of Starkiller Base, the First Order has to regroup but will be back with a vengeance. Well-aware of that fact are the members of the Resistance, particularly those who are old enough to have been around during the days of the rebellion against the Empire.

Ships are moved on the General's orders, as she is one of those who vividly remembers the days of the Rebel Alliance. She has lived this long protecting all of the people she can; yet she cannot protect everyone, and cannot save those who are unwilling to be saved.

Leia recognizes this cruel fact of fate anew with wretchedness as she takes respite from her myriad duties to sit by her husband's bedside.

"Come on, you scruffy old scoundrel. There's life in you yet." Leia smiles at her husband as she sits beside him, but can hardly retain her composure enough to keep herself from weeping. "There has to be," her voice breaks and her smile melts away. "...I can't lose you too." She reaches out and cups his cheek. "Han," she whispers, fingers tracing across white stubble. "- You need a shave."

"...Wow." 

Leia can hardly register, but Han's eyes are now open and he is smiling at her. 

"Scoundrel, scruffy - calling me names already, eh? Don't get all mushy on me, Princess."

"Han!!" She gasps, grabbing his face and kissing him. He responds enthusiastically, if a trifle weakly. As they break apart she tells him "I love you."

"I know," he replies and manages to hold his expression of cocky bravado in place for a moment before it starts to crumble. His voice grows rough and shaky as he adds "Oh, Leia. I'm sorry."

"No," she shakes her head and raises her chin. "Don't you say those words, Han Solo. Not to me, after everything."

"But I couldn't save our son!" He snaps.

"You tried to, that's what matters. You came back to us. To me." She smiles at him again.

He lets out a breath, the left corner of his mouth lifting in a relieved smirk. Then his eyes bulge and he asks "Whoa, where's - the kid, Leia? Where's Rey?"

"She's fine," his wife assures him. "Finn helped her get out, and Chewie -"

"Chewie!!" Han crows as the enormous Wookiee runs into the room. He had been waiting outside as the spouses spoke but now barrels over and squeezes his friend tightly with a relieved roar. "Ah, it's great to see you, pal." Han expels the words as his face is pressed into his friend's thick brown fur.

Chewie barks in agreement and pats Han heavily on the back.

"Thanks for lookin' out for me, buddy. Watching my back like always."

"He wasn't the only one," Leia says. "From what I understand, R2-D2 was the one who initially got you stable once Chewie pulled you into the ship." The astromech droid in question beeps as he too enters the room, followed a trifle hesitantly by C-3PO.

"It is good to see you fully functional again, Captain Solo," the golden protocol droid speaks up. He is unsure whether or not the man is going to reply with something irascible; but for the first time in all of their years of knowing each other, Han Solo does not appear either exasperated or furious with the interpreter.

"...Thanks, Goldenrod," he says gruffly. "You too, Artoo." Looking from the droids to his wife and Chewie, Han adds "So when do I get out of here?"

R2 whistles. " - He certainly is impatient, you're quite right," C-3PO says to his counterpart. "... particularly after the extensive nature of his injuries; as compared to Finn's - oh dear, I do hope both will be all right."

"Whoa now, what's this I'm hearing about Finn?" Han abruptly sits up and holds one arm out, causing several of his life-sustaining machines to beep. "Aaah!" He makes a noise of frustration and rips several of the cords free from their respective machines.

"Han!" Leia snaps. "What do you think you're doing??"

"Nothing wrong with a little bit of medical mutiny, sweetheart," Han gives her a roguish wink. "Just trying to listen to Goldenrod here." He focuses intently on the now-terrified droid. "Now tell me what you meant about Finn. What kind of injuries does he have? What happened?"

"Your son ...Erm, he's what happened," intones the voice of a young woman. Rey stands in the doorway now, having heard the commotion after Han awoke. She lets out a wet-sounding chuckle of relief as she looks in at him. "Hey Han."

The rugged features of the space smuggler brighten at the sight of her and shift into a configuration of understanding in response to her words. "Hi Rey," Han speaks low, voice rough once again, this time in relief. "'S damn good to see you."

"You too," she returns as she enters the room, eyes glistening with unshed tears. She swallows hard and continues to explain what happened: "Finn tried to fight Kylo Ren with Luke's lightsaber, but -"

"- It didn't work out well," Han finishes with a huge sigh of resignation. "...Guy doesn't know how the Force works. Is he alive?"

"Yes," Rey nods. "He is, he's just in a cryo-tank, asleep. Hopefully he'll wake up soon like you have."

Han nods back. "Hope so. And we still have to get to Luke."

Rey agrees with his words, looking to the General for confirmation. Leia presses her lips together and leans forward. "We do, and we have the map, but Han you should rest. Regain your strength and stay here -" She tries to dissuade her husband though she is pretty certain her words are not going to stop him from going. Or from trying to.

But Rey now agrees with her: "I can go, Han. If you let me take the Falcon I'll take excellent care of her and I can bring Luke back...,"

"Look, I know you're both protectin' my supposed fragility here, but I'm fine. Luke needs to come back, and he needs to know some things that I've gotta tell him myself." Han retorts. "I used to be angry, but I'm not anymore. I won't let that get in the way, and he needs to know that."

"Awrh, agh." Chewbacca puts in, patting Han on the back with his right paw.

Han looks at him and nods. "Thanks Chewie." He turns back to Leia, who sighs heavily. 

C-3PO looks from one person to each of the others as the General says "The medics are going to look you over first. If they give the O.K. I will consider making the call for you to go. We need Luke, but we need you too."

Han chuckles. "We need? What about _you_ need? You've done everything without me for years, and you've done great, Leia."

She stares at him, eyes narrowing. "I don't know what you're talking about. And I'm not going to argue with you."

Han sees the expression on his wife's face and is aware of just how serious she is. She will probably tie him to his bed to prevent him from leaving if the doctors say he is not ready. He contemplates sneaking away, but knows he cannot do that to her. Not again. So "...Sure, Leia. I'll wait for approval from the doc," he promises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is my belief that after their son turned to the dark side, Han was so hurt and angry and in pain that one day he just couldn't take being with Leia anymore because it hurt too much, and he thought he was hurting her with how furious he was. So he left. Didn't tell her goodbye in person; just snuck out with Chewie and left her a holographic message in R2's memory banks. 
> 
> So here he is trying to make light of the fact that he might be necessary to the Resistance. Leia tells him she doesn't know what he is talking about because he IS necessary as far as she is concerned. And she does not see herself as "doing great" without him, she is doing what she must. But she never stopped needing him or wanting him to be there.
> 
> These two love each other so much but wilfully misunderstand one another's needs--ah, I adore them but they kill me


	10. Chapter 10

The medics give Han a clean bill of health, to Leia's personal chagrin, as there is now no way for her to keep him here without dishonoring her promise. They do advise him to take things slow, however, as he _had_ just been in a Force-chokehold induced comatose state. 

Rey promises to keep a close eye on him, as does Chewie. Well, the Wookiee basically clamps his buddy against his side and barks at him fiercely. "Okay! I _got_ it, Chewie," Han cries in exasperation. "... Won't do anything without your permission. Gah, bein' a passenger in my own ship - this is gonna be the pits."

Leia smiles at him fondly. "Oh, you'll get through it," she tells him, kissing his cheek.

"Yeah, yeah. You're getting a kick out of this, aren't you?" He looks down at her and draws her into his arms securely as he promises "I'll get Luke to come back, Leia." Han glances over the top of his wife's head to look at Rey, who is in an earnest conversation with Poe. She catches his eye with a small smile. "...Rey and I both will."

Leia takes a deep breath and abruptly brings Han's face to hers, kissing him with all the love and intensity of the first kiss he gave her so many years ago. She extricates herself from his arms after he kisses back and tells him to be careful.

Blinking and looking a little dazed, Han nods. "I, uh - I will. We will. C'mon, Chewie!" He flaps an arm at the Wookiee as they head towards the ramp of the Falcon. "Let's get the engines warm."

"Awhr ah ah!" Chewie barks back at him.

Han explodes in exasperation: "Fine!! YOU warm up the engines, and I'll just _sit_ there! This trip is gonna kill me, Leia," he tosses back to her jokingly, but his expression freezes as he realized what he said.

His wife gives him a severe look. "It had better _not_ , Solo," she snaps. He ducks his head in acquiesce, appearing embarrassed - if Han ever got embarrassed, which has not been the case in all of the years she has known him. 

Leia smiles fondly and raises her hand in a wave as her husband ducks into his ship with a "Yeah, alright, laugh it up, fuzzball!" Snapped at the chuckling Chewbacca. The Wookiee turns back and lets out a reassuring growl at Leia as he gives her a hug.

"Take care of him, Chewie," the General says quietly. "Take care of them both."

***

"You'll tell me if anything happens?" Rey asks Poe as she stands before him while some meters away Han and Leia are saying their goodbyes. "If anything changes, with Finn..."

"Yes Rey, I will," the pilot assures her. "Soon as I say 'hey' to him after he wakes up I'll be on the communicator."

She laughs at that mental image, which she is certain he intended. "Okay. Thank you."

"No, thank _you_ ," Poe speaks quieter now, and leans in. "- This mission you're going on means a lot to the General. It'd be great to see her happy." He glances over as his fearless leader says something laughingly to her husband. "...She's smiled more in the past few hours with Han than I've ever seen her smile before. At all." Rey looks at him and then catches Han's eye somberly. "Anyway, let's give her another reason to smile, all right? You'll be getting her brother back!"

"Her brother, and the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy," Rey confesses "I'm slightly terrified."

"You'll do fine," Poe assures her. "You're a total badass." He grips her by the shoulders. "And Leia trusts you, which is a very good thing. Han also seems to trust you, or at least to like you, and that's nothin' to sneeze at." He taps the side of his nose and winks at her. "At this rate, Luke is gonna LOVE you."

"Ugh, don't jinx it, Poe," Rey pleads, though his confidence in her has made her feel better. "If Finn wakes up and asks, tell him where I've gone, yeah? And tell him not to try coming after me. I'm with Han and Chewie so I'll be okay."

Poe straightens his back and gives her a salute. "Affirmative!" He says, and then his face splits into a smile and he hugs her. "Take care of yourself," he murmurs, serious now. 

Rey presses herself close to him and replies "You too. Tell Finn hi from me."

"I will." Poe backs away to let Rey speak to Leia, as Han and Chewbacca have just gone into the ship together.

Leia says nothing, simply looking at Rey with thankfulness before pulling her in for a hug. Rey hugs the older woman back tightly, wanting to reassure her that they will get to Luke and bring him back, but somehow knows that words could cheapen the sentiment of the moment. So she says nothing until Leia steps back and touches her cheek.

"May the Force be with you," the General says.

"And with you," Rey responds. She looks to the astromech droid who has been patiently waiting to enter the Falcon alongside her. "Come on, R2. We've got to get your master back."

The little droid beeps in affirmation and rolls after her onto the ramp of Han's ship. "Oh, dear - do take care, Artoo!" C-3PO calls worriedly after his friend. 

The members of the Resistance stand where many have appeared to see the ship off. Hearts in their throats and hope in their eyes as the Millennium Falcon roars to life, shooting out from the bay into the endless unfathomable reaches of space.


	11. Chapter 11

Rey sits next to Han in the central room of the ship as Chewie pilots them away from the Resistance's location in space. R2-D2 is in the cockpit with him, plugging his virtual map into the memory banks of the Millennium Falcon. The ship and the droid work together seamlessly as a team, sending signals to Chewbacca at the pilot's console.

The Wookiee carefully inputs coordinates as soon as they flash in light blue neon over the screens on the Falcon's dash. The map morphs as singularities and asteroid belts appear at its edges. Stars glitter and gleam like chips of white ochre in a dark-blue expanse, stringing out ahead and beyond them. Where Luke has cloistered himself for the last dozen years is beyond a distortion field that, if not passed through in the proper place with precise coordinates, well, one's ship will get ripped apart molecule by molecule.

Han sits at the light-board table tapping his fingers and then his feet. He shakes his head with a grunt when Rey asks if he wants to play a game, and feels her eyes fasten on him as he rises and walks over to the grafix-screen on the wall with strings of numeric information scrolling across it as the ship travels through space to get to Luke. He slams a hand down on the shelving before the wall in frustration and walks back to the table with an explosive sigh. Raising his eyes to Rey's, he smiles slightly, lifting one shoulder in apology. "It's hard not bein' in the cockpit," he confesses. Rey nods. 

"I understand. And it's certainly nerve-racking, where we're going, what we're going to do. Isn't it?" Han freezes, not looking at her. Her voice squeaks a bit as she tries to explain her meaning. "I mean, Luke Skywalker - everyone talks about him, but no one really _knows_ anything about who he is. Except for General Leia, and you, and... _we're going to find him._ " She blows air out of her cheeks and raises both hands with a helpless, slightly manic laugh. "This - this is crazy to me. I'm a nobody, an orphan from Jakku who happened to find a droid that belonged to the Resistance." 

Han listens to her, and his mouth lifts in a smile. Shaking his head, he chuckles quietly.

"What?" Rey raps out. "What's funny?"

"Oh...you," Han shakes his head as he looks over at her, turning and sliding both hands into his pockets, leaning backwards on his heels. "Rey, Luke was just a farmhand when I met him."

Rey's eyes bug out and her lips part in shock. "R-really?"

"Really. The kid thought flying through space was easy as dustin' crops in a T-16. Called the Falcon a piece of junk. He was wide-eyed and innocent, not much older'n you. Hell, maybe he was the same age. I had to straighten him out on a few things." Han's smile slowly disappears as he thinks about all that has happened during the intervening years. He comes over and kneels before her with a grimace as he bends his knees. "But I was wrong about him; he wasn't just a farmhand. And you're not just an orphan from Jakku." Han puts his callused right hand on her left shoulder. "You're as good a person as any to reach out to him. Maybe he'll see himself in you, who knows?" Han sniffs and shrugs, giving her shoulder a squeeze. Wants to say he is glad that she has come along, but cannot do it. All he can manage is that it'll be okay. And asks if she can help him up from the floor: "My damn knees give out. Don't ever get old," he drily chuckles.

Rey smiles at him as he slowly stands up again, kidding back, "...I won't."

He huffs out a laugh as they both hear a loud repetitive beep and the ship veers sharply. Chewbacca's voice comes over the communicator from the cockpit and Han stiffens. "C'mon!" He grabs Rey and pounds down the corridor to the cockpit, slamming the door open. "Strap yourself in; we're comin' up on the distortion."

***

The Millennium Falcon begins jerking and shuddering violently the closer it gets to the distortion field, a semi-opaque mass with bursts of static electricity shooting out and crackling around the cockpit. Chewbacca grunts and growls from where he inputs coordinates as fast as R2-D2 beeps them at him.

"Agh awhr wrowrerr!" Chewie barks.

"Yeah, I _know_ it's there, Chewie! I can see it. Just gimme a second." Han peers out of the window dome and then glances down at the astromech droid's map. "Rey. You have sharp eyes, right?"

The young woman jerks in the seat behind R2 wherein she had strapped herself per Han's instructions. "I - yes, I suppose."

The grizzled space pilot beckons her over where he stands behind Chewie and leans forward. "I need ya to take a closer look at this map for me. There should be an aperture we can slide through somewhere in this sector." Han gestures at the lower right corner of the distortion diagram the droid had brought up. "Baby just has to hold together and get us there. You hear me, baby? Hold together," he says to his still-shuddering ship.

"- Can't we just - fly through that hazy cloud?" Rey asks, pointing forward at the enormous mass in front of them. 

Han lets out a bark of mirthless laughter. "That's no cloud, honey - that's a distortion field. If we fly straight into it, the energy will rip us apart. It's like going into hyperspace; without precise calculations we can crash through a star or bounce too close to a supernova... Or in this case, we could be sent into a wormhole and ripped apart molecule by molecule til we cease to exist." Leaning his forearm on the back of Chewbacca's chair, Han mutters "... Clearly Luke doesn't want visitors."

"There!" Rey cries, pointing at a spot near the very bottom of the diagram. "At eight and negative point oh six, two ten!"

" _What's_ there?" Han squints over her shoulder.

Rey wants to say that she has a good feeling about this, but she has no logical justification for that feeling. Something is guiding her...she recalls a great blue ocean in her mind; a sea with an island upon it. "-it's lighter," she decides to say. "The field of distortion appears thinner...," The young woman hopes that comment makes sense.

R2-D2 puts in the coordinates as alarms start going off and lights on the ship's dash are flashing. The Falcon is shuddering violently as Chewbacca turns to follow Rey's directions. They come up in the lighter section, a tunnel - 

"Punch it, Chewie!" Han yells and the Wookiee shoots the freighter through the shimmering aperture ...

...which opens up to reveal shimmering colors and wavering bursts of sound inside the distortion field. Flashes of light and darkness pull at the edges of their sight, and there is immense pressure surrounding them and making the Falcon creak as she passes through the distortion.

And then, in the darkness of space beyond, they see a miniscule pale blue dot. It is distant, cut off from the remainder of the galaxy by the field they have come from. 

"...Is that it then?" Rey's voice is hushed with awe.

Han swallows hard and gulps a little, face pale. He looks at the astromech droid for confirmation and R2 whistles an affirmative. "...Yup, that's it." His expression flickering into a half-smile as he weakly pats Rey and Chewbacca on their shoulders, "Good - good work," Solo croaks. Chewie barks and accelerates to land on the tiny planet. Murmuring mostly to himself, Han adds "Well, Luke, we made it. We're coming for you, kid."

***

"Maybe..." Rey speaks hesitantly after the Falcon touches down on a rocky length at the bottom of a hill up which a winding path extends. "... do you think I ought to talk to him first, Han? Maybe introduce myself, say why we're coming? That might um, ease him into the idea of seeing you here." She clenches her teeth and widens her eyes in some worry that the older man may not accept her idea, but Han nods eventually after his brow lowers. He sniffs.

"Yeah, you might be on the right track with that idea, kid. Rey." He looks at R2 and then beckons to the astromech who rolls forward. "Take the droid with ya and use his communicator if you need something. Chewie and I will stay back here for a bit."

"Okay," Rey smiles with relief that he understood what she meant by having him stay behind for a moment. Pulling on a cloak and a pack, she tucks Luke's lightsaber into her belt and Chewie lowers the ramp of the ship.

Rey descends and R2-D2 follows her down.


	12. Chapter 12

Luke Skywalker is alone in the depths of Space.

He has come to the farthest reaches of the galaxy - past everything previously known; beyond a swirling maelstrom of distortion so very massive and powerful that even his Force abilities cannot cross it without grave danger to himself. 

The last time he extended his abilities had left him weak and delirious with a fever for what felt like weeks. 

So Luke does not reach out anymore; not even to his sister, which was one of the hardest things he has ever done. It broke his heart to do it, but he knew that he must. 

He has been cut off from Leia for years now. Yet suddenly, somehow, he hears her voice: _-Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope._

No; that is not possible. Not only has he been completely cut off from her, but Ben Kenobi is dead. He has been dead for decades, so how...? 

He hears it again: _-Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope._

And then a figure stands on the path before him. Slight of body, strong; and female. Lithe like Leia had once been... But this person is different too, somehow. She is clearly not Leia. So how had he heard his sister's voice? The girl stands silently with tears in her eyes and holds a cylindrical object out to him. It glints in the sunlight.

His saber. His father's.

Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber, the one his master had kept locked away for years instead of destroying it; the one passed on to Luke til he had lost it when learning the agonizing truth of his parentage. With his severed hand it had fallen out of Cloud City. And now, somehow, it is here. Luke's eyes fill as the sight of it causes him to remember.

_"General Kenobi. Years ago, you served my father in the Clone Wars. Now he needs your help in his struggle against the Empire. I regret that I am unable to present my father's request to you in person, but my ship has come under attack, and my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed._

_"I have concealed plans vital to the survival of the Rebellion in the memory of this R2 unit. My father will know how to retrieve it. You must return the plans safely to him on Alderaan. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."_

Luke raises his teary eyes to spot the shiny dome of that same stubborn R2 unit. The little droid rolls to a stop beside the young woman who still holds out his saber, turning off the speakers blasting audio from the communication that had begun Luke's first journey to the stars all those years ago.

He raises his hand and calls the saber to him with the Force, holding it tightly in his clenched hand. 

And then, with all the rage and grief and self-hatred of twenty plus years bubbling up inside him and tearing out of his throat in an agonized scream, the Jedi Knight whirls and uses his power to hurl the laser sword into the ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in tears writing this chapter. I want to dedicate it to Carrie Fisher, the wonderfully strong space princess who was so much more than that. I will always remember and admire her resilience, humor, and strength, on-screen and off. 
> 
> Rest peacefully, Princess. May your soul have a special place amongst the stars.


	13. Chapter 13

Rey gapes in utter shock as the lightsaber curves in a high arc and drops into the waves at such a distance that she cannot see the splash. "No! What -" she gasps, looking towards the hooded features of Luke Skywalker as he stands motionless and silent, the pain of his scream still echoing across the rocks and grass of the island. "Why did you - why would you do that, Master Jedi?"

Luke lets out a harsh bark of bitter laughter. "'Master Jedi'? I'm no master anymore; for that one needs students, and I have none."

"But that isn't your fault," she steps slightly closer to him on the hill. "You... couldn't have known what would happen to Kylo Ren. And - you're still the most powerful person in the galaxy."

"Amazing," Luke murmurs. "It's amazing - everything that you just said was completely wrong." He strides forward now, yanking back his hood to reveal tangled graying hair and a lined, scarred, sorrowful countenance. "I am the _only reason_ my nephew was..." His voice cracks. "- seduced by the Dark Side. I was so sure he couldn't be, so confident, positive that I could help him, show him that he was good...." Luke clenches his fists and looks down, shaking in fury. "Arrogance!" He spits, the vitriol at himself making Rey retreat a step. "Sheer arrogance. I thought, after I was right about my father..." He stops speaking and stares hard at his visitor, folding his arms and stroking his chin as he cocks his head slightly. "But who are you, who thinks she knows so much about me?"

Rey swallows, unable to answer instantly. She had entertained the thought that Luke might not listen to her, but she never truly considered the precarious emotional state he might be in, and obviously was. R2-D2 now moves forward on the hill, going up to Luke with a whistle and a beep. The Jedi's expression relaxes slightly, growing more tired now than angry. 

"Artoo," he sighs, leaning down to the droid and flicking his eyes to Rey. "...You gave her the map. And you simply _had_ to startle me with that communication, of course. I can't believe you still have it stored in your memory banks..." The astromech lets out a low noise and Luke can't help smiling as he places one hand on the droid's dome. "Ah, but it's good to see you, little friend."

Rey clears her throat and shuffles her feet as Luke looks up from where he kneels beside the droid. "I'm Rey," she introduces herself softly, pressing her lips together, eyes shining with hope that has been mitigated by his response, but still remains. "...and Artoo didn't give the map to me; he showed it to the General and - she told us to come."

"Leia," Luke's response is an exhale, a mere whisper as he stands up again, leaning forward a little in longing to know of his dear sweet sister. "How is she?"

" - Well she'd be a lot better if you were to come back around, kid," calls a strong male voice from the path behind Rey, who closes her eyes in resignation as grey-white hair over a pair of sharp eyes and a body in a dark jacket crests the hill. "...Sorry, Rey," Han Solo mumbles an apology as he comes to stand next to her. "Couldn't take sitting in the ship anymore. Luke!" He says, eyes lighting up as he looks at the other man. "...You've gotten old there, buddy."

"...Han," Luke's response is heavy as he retreats a step, surveying the erstwhile peace of his island planet before his gaze pans across the other man's face. _So have you._ "What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too," his brother in law says, cocking one eyebrow slightly. "I'm here 'cause I wanted to see you, buddy. And Leia and I want you to come home. Come back with us."

Luke looks from Han to Rey now, helpless. This cannot be happening. After he had been so careful for so long.... Bowing his head, "Why?" He choked. "Why do you want me back?"

There is painful hope in his eyes, something Han knows a thing about, but before he can come up with the right words, Rey bursts out: "The First Order is coming, and the Resistance needs your help!"

Luke's facial expression closes, though he does not appear angry anymore; just drained, exhausted. His training had not equipped him for any of this. "My help? My _help?_ " he repeats. Looking at Han now, the younger man adds "...after what happened the last time I tried to do something for the new order, something for my family, you honestly believe that I can help you?!"

Rey puts her hands to her mouth as Han lifts a placating hand, ready to spill his guts about everything; that no one blames Luke, least of all Han. "Luke -" he started, but the other turns, wrapping his cloak around him and raising a hand.

"...You should go," he says brokenly. "You're better off without me." The Jedi Knight strides away, calling back the now sparking, fritzing lightsaber from where he had hurled it. The metal cylinder slaps into his palm with a thunk of finality and his hand closes before he strides to the cliff's edge on the opposite side of the hill. Closing his eyes, Luke steps over the edge and abruptly disappears straight down.

***

No. "Luke!!!" Han bellows, rushing over to the edge and staring around wildly. No no no. "Kid, Luke!"

Rey has followed, her heart in her throat. She still does not know all the capabilities of the Force, and clearly Han does not realize the other had likely used it in his drop. 

"Look, there." Rey takes hold of the older man's shoulder and points, leaning her head forward to indicate the sight of Luke, making enormous Force-fuelled leaps down over rocks on the cliffs, heading across a chasm away from them. Han let out a heavy breath and the young woman catches what she thinks might be traces of tears on his face, but he clears his throat and rubs a hand down over both cheeks, obscuring them. "Should I..." Rey hesitates. Her words had been the ones to send Luke away, after all; but she has the ability to follow him in the same way he departed without danger to herself. "Should I go after him, Han?"

The scoundrel blinks. "Wh- yes, yeah, go!" Han looks at her and flaps one arm furiously, but his eyes hold worry. "Just be careful." He adds gruffly. 

A warmth spreads throughout Rey's whole body at those words, and she smiles a little, despite the nature of their current situation. "I will."


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes after Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm inserting a TRIGGER WARNING for heights; Rey jumps over the cliff but uses the Force to guide herself down so she will be okay.

Rey tucks the edges of her cloak tight to her body and does the same with her pack before letting the feeling of the Force take hold of her as she moves to the edge of the cliff and leaps down.

She feels the wind rushing by as the familiar feeling, the sort of floating power fills her; as it has done ever since she was a child on Jakku, the way it had when she cleared her mind in the Starkiller Base when being interrogated by Kylo Ren. As she drops, she stretches out with her feelings, finding Han, a lonely figure now far above her with all his worry and fierceness and uncertainty thrown outwards in a pulse like fire, unbidden and unconscious on his part. He cannot tell that he is doing it, but the scoundrel is candidly telegraphing his pain.

But all of that falls away as she does, feeling the spots of jutting rock below that she can easily drop to and push off from. She sends her senses out before her as she descends, letting her feelings fall away and locking onto the clear point of power that is Luke's. His anxieties are diminishing too as he moves away, the Force propelling him between her, the trees and the rocks... even between the land and Han's ship far back above them both.


End file.
